The Awakening of Nina Fontaine Page 17

  She had a feeling alcohol would help in either case.

  They came to a door at the end of the hall. Jack turned the knob and they stepped into a dimly lit room populated with couches, chairs, and end tabes. Expensive rugs lined the marble floors.

  Fringed table lamps cast a soft glow over writhing bodies in various states of undress. Jack led her around a woman straddling a tuxedoed man, her dress hiked up to her hips, his face taut with pleasure as she fucked him in full view of everyone in the room.

  The scene was an assault on her senses — the smell of sex heavy in the air, a woman on all fours, one man’s face between her legs while another penetrated her from behind, two men stroking each other on a sofa tucked against one wall.

  Nina wanted to be repelled — should have been repelled.

  Instead the moans rising in the room sent a swell of arousal to her core, her nipples immediately hard.

  They came to the back of the room and Jack opened another door.

  He shut it behind them and the sound of the other room disappeared. She was relieved until she turned around and saw the two women leaning on a small bar against one wall of the room.

  “What is this?”

  Jack turned to her, blocking the other women with his body. “An experiment.”

  She forced her voice steady. “What kind of experiment?”

  “The kind where I’m going to ask you to keep an open mind.” He ducked his head to hers, kissed her deeply and passionately, his tongue a reminder of what he did to her, what she wanted from him. “Can you do that, darling?”

  She had no idea what he meant and asking him for details seemed like some kind of faux pas. She had a feeling that whatever this was was supposed to unfold, that its unfolding was part of the appeal.

  “What if I don’t like it?” she asked.

  “Then I’ll take you back to the hotel and tie you up before I fuck you.” He scanned her face, lingering on her lips, and smiled. “Actually I’m going to do that either way.”

  Her pussy pulsed with his words.

  Jesus, she wanted him. She shouldn’t, but she did.

  “All right,” she said.

  He reached for her hand and put it on his cock, thick and hard, straining against his tuxedo trousers. “This is for you. It has been since I first saw you.”

  She didn’t have time to say anything, could hardly see around the lust swimming in her veins, brought on by his nearness and the feel of his cock in her hands, and if she was honest, by the fact that she had no idea what would happen next.

  He stepped away and led her to a chair to the side of a sofa in the middle of the room. “Make yourself comfortable.”

  She finished her drink and sat down, setting her empty glass on a marble and bronze end table.

  He lifted her hand to his mouth, opened her fingers and kissed her palm before making his way to the sofa. He didn’t look at the girls at the bar, didn’t acknowledge them in any way as he sat down and leaned back.

  For a long moment, Nina wondered if this was it — if the tension alone was meant to be some kind of aphrodisiac that would heighten their lovemaking later.

  Then one of the girls broke from the bar and started toward him.

  She was no more than twenty-five, wearing a shimmering dress short enough to reveal long, slender legs. She kneeled between his legs and her long blond hair touched the bottom of her ass as she leaned forward to unzip his pants.

  The other woman, a young redhead with large breasts and round hips, approached the couch and kneeled next to the blond. Her black dress stretched across her round ass as she sat back on her heels.

  Nina’s breath caught in her throat at the blond freed Jack’s cock. He didn’t make a sound as she stroked him, didn’t make a sound as she leaned over and took him in her mouth.

  Nina was mesmerized as the redhead reached under the blond’s bobbing body. She could only assume from the motion of her hand that she was stroking Jack’s shaft while the blond worked him with her mouth, the head of Jack’s cock disappearing between her lips as she went down on him.

  He kept his eyes on Nina, gave no sign of pleasure.

  She was frozen in place as the women sucked and stroked, flashes of memory playing across her vision: Jack winding the rope around her body, looking down at her in bed with lust so raw it would have frightened her if it hadn’t excited her so much, his cock disappearing inside her, the look on his face when she’d told him she was seeing someone else.

  The look on his face when he’d admitted to being happy to see her.

  Her stomach roiled, threatening to spill its contents onto the expensive carpet under the chair.

  She stood, only dimly aware of the dawning concern on Jack’s face, of the two women, oblivious to her as she rushed from the room.

  34

  She didn’t stop until she got to the foyer, and then only because the door was locked. She struggled with it, her stomach still churning, oblivious to the guards until one of them came over to open it for her.

  She stumbled out onto the stairs, amazed that the city was still in motion. She’d almost expected to find time stopped outside the strange building where she’d just watched two women going down on Jack.

  She hurried to the bottom of the steps and doubled over, retching and trying to get it together around the swirl of emotion spinning through her body.

  “Nina…”

  Jack’s voice came from behind her, and tears stung her eyes as she spun to face him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  He flinched, confusion shadowing his features. “I told you we could leave.”

  Her laugh came out bitter, choked by a sob. “So you could tie me up and fuck me. Yeah, I remember. I guess we were going to do that after you came in some other woman’s mouth.”

  “Those women mean nothing to me,” he said. “They were performing a service meant to excite you.”

  “To… excite me?” She could hardly get the words out.

  He hesitated, his brows drawn together. “You seemed to enjoy our time together in New York.”

  “That was you and me, Jack. Two people being intimate. Do you not understand the difference between that and… whatever that fucked up shit was in there?”

  “Do you object to the activity or the location?” he asked.

  “I object to the fact that I had to watch another woman give you a blow job," she said.

  He shook his head. “You said you were seeing someone else. I thought…”’

  “That I would fuck him in front of you?” She was practically shouting, unable to care about the fact that cars whizzed past on the street, that anyone walking by could hear what she was saying. “I would never do that to you, Jack. Would never do what you just did to me.”

  “I’m sorry.” He sounded genuinely upset. “I thought it was something you might enjoy. I didn’t understand the… parameters of our relationship.”

  “The parameters? This isn’t a business deal, Jack. I’m a person. I have feelings.”

  “You have feelings for me?” he asked.

  “Yes!” she shouted. She couldn’t define them, wasn’t foolish enough to think they fell into a category most people would define as normal, but they were there. She knew it by the possessiveness that had asserted itself when the blond had taken Jack in her mouth, by the way the image still sickened her. “I know those might be in short supply in your world, but it’s kind of part of the human condition.”

  “Nina…” He held out a hand and took a step toward her.

  She backed away and folded her arms across her chest. “Don’t even think about it.”

  He seemed to choose his words carefully. “I have… feelings for you, Nina. I’m sorry I made a mistake.”

  She wiped the tears dripping onto her collarbone. She hadn’t realized she was crying. “Why, Jack? Why me?”

  He turned his head as if he didn’t want her to see his face. “I could give you a hundred reasons, and they would all be true, b
ut the most important one is that you’ve… stirred something in me.”

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  He sighed. “This isn’t my forte, Nina. I’m not a man who enjoys talking — about anything, least of all my feelings. Is it enough to say I wanted you from the first moment I saw you? That you’ve moved me in ways I thought were impossible?”

  “No… maybe…” She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

  “Let’s go back to the hotel,” he said. “We can discuss it further if you like.”

  “I can’t,” she said, the words catching on another sob. “I can’t do any of this. It was a mistake.”

  “Yes. I’m sorry.”

  “Not just tonight,” she said. “All of it. It’s too much, too intense. I can’t… I’m not cut out for it.”

  She started walking backward, wanting to get away from him before the hurt on his face undid her. She was willing to bet the number of people who’d seen Jack Morgan hurt could be counted on one hand. As upset as she was, she hated that she was now one of them.

  “Where are you going, Nina? Let me get the car and take you to the hotel.”

  She saw a flash of yellow making it’s way down the street toward her: a cab.

  She lifted her hand and the taxi slowed to a stop next to the curb. She opened the back door, and turned to look at Jack. Standing on the street in his tuxedo, his eyes as unreadable as ever, he was still a mystery to her.

  She had to resist the urge to go to him. To let him take her back to the hotel and tie her up and fuck her and do anything he wanted to her.

  There was so much more she wanted to say.

  There was nothing left to say.

  She got in the cab and shut the door. She had a moment’s panic before she realized she was still holding her clutch. She opened it quickly and confirmed that her wallet was inside.

  “De Gualle airport,” she said to the cab driver.

  She forced herself not to turn around as they pulled away from the curb.

  35

  “Here you go, sweetie.” Karen handed Nina a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and sat at the other end of the couch with her own.

  “Regaining all that weight isn’t going to make me feel better,” Nina said, looking morosely at the ice cream.

  Karen dug her spoon into the pint. “No, but it’ll take a lot of pints to regain everything you lost, and trust me when I say this will definitely make you feel better in the short term.”

  “I don’t think I can eat anything.”

  It had been two days since she’d landed back in New York, still wearing her heels and the Versace dress, carrying nothing but her evening bag. She’d realized too late that she hadn’t gotten her phone before leaving the club — or whatever it was called — and had to beg a customer service rep at the airline to call her an Uber.

  She’d gotten home, taken a hot shower, and slept for nearly twenty-four hours straight.

  Then she’d used Sal’s phone to call Karen.

  “Thank god. My metabolism isn’t what it used to be.” Karen stood and returned both pints to Nina’s fridge.

  “You can eat anything you want and you know it,” Nina said.

  “Want some tea or something else instead?” Karen asked, ignoring the statement. She liked to pretend that she worked for her figure.

  Nine shook her head as tears fell from her eyes. She brushed them away. “Fuck. Why can’t I stop crying?”

  Karen sat next to her. “Because you’re hurt and upset and you probably still have jet lag. Because you really like Jack, and you really like Liam too. Because dating is messy and uncomfortable and sometimes downright repulsive.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that? You always made it sound glamorous,” Nina said accusingly.

  “Sometimes it is.” Karen sighed. “And sometimes it’s so fucking sweet and sexy.”

  “I’m not sure it’s worth it,” Nina said, reaching for a tissue.

  “We all say that when things don’t work out,” Karen said. “And just because things didn’t work out with Jack doesn’t mean you should blow off Liam. I’m not even sure you should blow off Jack.”

  Nina stared at her. “Please tell me you didn’t just say that.”

  “I’m just saying. You told him you were seeing someone else, you seemed into his games… I can see where a guy like Jack might have misunderstood.”

  “I don’t want to talk about Jack,” Nina said.

  “Okay, but you’re going to have to talk to Liam eventually.”

  “I know,” Nina said.

  Jack had sent her phone by messenger with a simple note on his creamy stationary.

  Forgive me. I miss you

  JM

  After she charged her phone she’d found multiple texts from Liam, the more recent messages sounding alarmed for her safety.

  “What are you going to do?” Karen asked gently.

  Nina circled the sofa with her index finger. “I’m going to end it.”

  “Are you sure you want to do that?” Karen asked.

  “I’m not sure at all. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to leave Jack on the street in Paris.” She sighed. “But it’s for the best. I have no business being with anyone right now. I’m a mess.”

  Karen reached for her hand. “Everyone’s a mess underneath it all, sweetie.”

  “Maybe, but I don’t want to be a mess anymore.”

  They both looked up at the intercom as it buzzed.

  “Want me to get it?” Karen asked.

  Nina nodded and Karen walked to the intercom. “Yes?”

  “Is Nina there? It’s Liam.”

  The sound of his voice was like a punch to the stomach.

  Nina stood. “I’ll go.”

  “She’s on her way down,” Karen said into the intercom.

  “Want me to come with you?” Karen asked as Nina slipped on her sandals.

  She shook her head. “I’m a big girl.”

  But she didn’t feel like a big girl as she left the apartment and started down the stairs. She felt sixteen again, navigating the waters of relationships she didn’t understand, making mistakes, hurting people and getting hurt.

  Liam was sitting on her stoop when she emerged from the lobby. He stood, relief washing over his face in the moment before he took in her pajamas, her tear-stained face.

  “Thank god! Are you… what’s wrong?”

  She had to swallow around the lump in her throat, the emotion that swelled in her chest at the sight of him — young and blond and beautiful, his eyes filled with something that almost looked like love.

  “I’m sorry if I worried you,” she said.

  He pulled her into his arms and she allowed herself a minute, just a minute, to breathe him in, to memorize the feel of his arms around her and the touch of his lips against her hair, the shelter he’d provided when she needed it most.

  Then she broke away. “Can we sit?”

  He nodded and they sat side by side on the steps. She chewed her lip as she tried to decide how to say what she needed to say, then decided there was no easy way to say it.

  “I can’t… I can’t do this anymore, Liam. Not now.”

  It took no effort to discern the pain in his eyes, his feelings as obvious as Jack’s had been hidden. “What do you mean?”

  She stared at the street to avoid looking him in the eye. It was cowardly, but it was the best she could do. For once, it would have to be good enough.

  “I moved too fast… let things get out of hand.” She hesitated. “I wasn’t ready. It wasn’t fair to you.”

  He put an arm around her shoulder. “I knew what I was getting into. I still know. I can be patient.”

  Tears leaked from her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. “Dammit…” She was going to have to come clean. It was the only way to keep him from being so nice, from thinking there was a way back for them. She turned to look at him. “There was someone else,” she said.

  He withdrew his arm and his jaw tightened
. “When?”

  “While I was seeing you,” she said.

  “The whole time?”

  She knew what he was asking: had she continued seeing Jack after she’d slept with Liam? After they’d been so intimate? After they’d shared so much more than sex?

  She nodded. “The whole time. At first I didn’t know if it mattered, if you even wanted to be with just me. Later…”

  “Later?” His voice was tight.

  “I didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what I wanted.”

  He stood, paced to the curb, and turned to look at her. “I did. I knew what I wanted.”

  She nodded. “I know. And you don’t deserve this, which is why… which is why it can’t happen anymore.”

  “So you’re breaking up with me to be with someone else?”

  “No,” she said firmly. “I’m breaking up with you to do what I should have done in the first place — focus on myself.”

  He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “This is fucked up, Nina.”

  “I know. I’m fucked up right now. I’m sorry.”

  He stared at her, his eyes like twin arrows to her heart. How had she come to care so much in such a short period of time?

  “You should have told me,” he said. “I could have handled it if you’d told me.”

  “I know.”

  He turned away for a minute before spinning to face her again, and this time his face was contorted and angry. “I fucking cared about you, Nina! I let you in!”

  “I know.” She was trying not to ugly cry, trying to hold it together. He deserved to unload on her, to say everything he needed to say before he walked out of her life forever.

  But he didn’t say anything else. He just shook his head and walked away, head bent as he hurried for the corner.

  She sat there for a long time after he disappeared, wondering at the emptiness that had opened up in her chest. Wondering if it was the loss of Jack or Liam, if it was the loss of them both, or if it was just the emptiness of being alone with herself again.